


Proud word you never spoke.

by Fangirlqueen87



Category: Emmerdale, robron
Genre: Based on Jenny's fabulous art work, Daddy Issues, M/M, couldn't resist, insecure rob and comforting aaron, mention of Aaron's childhood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-17
Updated: 2016-06-17
Packaged: 2018-07-15 15:36:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7228432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fangirlqueen87/pseuds/Fangirlqueen87
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Inspired by the beautiful artwork of Jenny (scrapyardboyfriends on tumblr!) </p><p>"Look at ya, all blonde hair eh...those dungarees though...not your finest hour" Aaron chuckled softly before smiling and looking at Robert. </p><p>Or </p><p>Diane drops a box off to Aaron and Robert's new apartment filled with a bunch of memories Robert would rather forget, crying and comfort comes next.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Proud word you never spoke.

**Author's Note:**

> So blame Jenny for doing more amazing work, go check out her latest work on tumblr (scrapyardboyfriends) so you know where the inspiration is from! 
> 
> Please check out all her amazing other work too! Enjoy this! Xx

  
The apartment was perfect for Robert, the right amount of white walls and wooden floors made him smile whenever he looked at it and now knowing that Aaron was going to be with him in _their_ home together made his heart race faster. Aaron turned his nose up at the spacious rooms and shiny surfaces, insecure at first that he wouldn't be able to match the money Robert was putting forward yet Robert's soft words telling him not to worry made him instantly feel at ease. It would be _their_ home.

Furniture was an issue, what colour, what size and where to put all of it yet the arguments all seemed to be welcomed, made both of them smile and roll their eyes at how domestic they had become. The empty space of their apartment was soon filled with Robert's weird comic books that Aaron _couldn't_ touch and Aaron's many car magazines that were placed all around the living room for Robert to chase after. Liv made sure her bedroom had her own stamp on it and Aaron smiled at the thought of her having a _permanent_ home, one she could have until she _wanted_ to move out or back with her mum.

The fact that Robert had made that stability possible almost always managed to make Aaron's heart skip a beat, he would have never linked the words Robert and stability together this time last year.

Robert pulled away from the wall to admire the sofa they had picked out together, Robert thought it looked like a large brown lump but couldn't deny how comfortable it was and how relaxed Aaron seemed when he rested on it. Robert soon realised that if Aaron was happy he usually was too.

The knock on the door pulled Robert away from his thoughts and soon he was watching as Aaron opened it and smiled at Diane who was holding a large box in her hands.

  
"And what do we owe this pleasure?" Aaron was always so good with Diane, always so _easy_ when he talked with her, nothing like the relationship Aaron described when he first moved into the pub, he was sure Diane hated him and with good reason too.

  
"Dropping off a box for Robert, it's got a few bits and pieces in it."

  
Robert craned his neck and looked at the box that was nearly overflowing, he frowned as he walked towards it and saw that his name was labelled on top.

  
"From where? I've taken all my stuff from Vic's." Robert looked at the box again and examined the dust that was building, it wasn't from Victoria's, it looked like it hadn't been touched for _years_.

  
Diane smiled softly as she passed it over to Robert "Oh I know love this is from the pub...I should have given it to ya when me and Doug moved out but..."

  
Robert looked down and blinked softly as he saw an old cricket ball he had chucked about when he was just a little boy, still brown from the mud it was rolled about in. Robert gulped hard before looking at Diane and frowned "From when I was a kid? Stuff you kept?"

  
The thought somehow made Robert shudder, _childhood_ was filled with mistakes and regrets when it came to Robert Sugden and now it was all neatly presented in a box for him.

 _Great_.

  
Diane nodded her head and peered inside "There's some stuff you'd probably through away now but I just thought I should let you have it" she was smiling as she looked towards the door and left, saying a little goodbye and realising that Robert seemed a little taken aback. Aaron instinctively placed an hand on Robert's shoulder, he didn't know why but the air seemed thick was unspoken words, as if Robert wanted to say something but almost couldn't.

Aaron rubbed at Robert's shoulder as if to try and shake him out of his trance yet Robert was still looking down at the box, still thinking back to how he was, what he did. Andy, Katie, _dad_.

  
The thought made him tear up, his eyes becoming watery and suddenly Aaron was leaning in, as if to see if he was actually...

  
"Robert?" Aaron asked softly, his voice was filled with questions he wanted to ask but didn't dare, Aaron wasn't used to Robert like that, _quiet_ , _reserved_ , _emotional_.

  
Aaron's words made Robert instantly push away, sharply turning around to look at Aaron and forcing a smile on his face because...Aaron didn't see him like that.

  
"Yeah." Robert spoke quickly, holding back his emotions "I'll just go put this somewhere..."

  
Aaron frowned softly "Not sorting it out?"

  
Robert shook his head before smiling "Just junk...I'll do it some over time."

  
Aaron nodded his head along before following Robert towards their bedroom and watching as he placed the box delicately under their bed, taken the time to flatten the sides and wipe away the dust. Aaron smiled as Robert suddenly looked his way, slight panic in his face that melted as Aaron walked towards him and kissed him softly.

 

Robert couldn't help but smile and want to pull Aaron closer to him because he wasn't _pushing_ him into telling him what was wrong, he never did that.

 

*

 

Robert couldn't sleep, his eyes wide open as he looked up at the ceiling and thought about how much of his old life still belonged in that box. Memories of the affair that ripped everything into pieces fell to his mind, the shame, the guilt and the anger that was created.

  
Robert turned to Aaron, hands all over Robert's chest like he always did yet fast asleep, asleep enough for him not to feel Robert gently moving his hands off of him so that he could move off the bed and suddenly look underneath.

 

Robert gulped as he dragged the box out of the bed and walked towards the living room, suddenly thankful for the soft material of the sofa that made him _sink_ into it.

  
Soon Robert's fingers were trailing over pieces of paper, old books of his and report cards he thought he had hid from his dad. He smiled as he read the words, the way they all ended with ' _yet he does have potential_ ' made him laugh softly.

Robert gulped suddenly as he looked deeper into the box and his eyes fell on the picture, the picture of him and his dad, Robert only a few years old resting on his dad's shoulders and his dad _smiling_ , looking so... _proud_ of the child he was carrying, _his_ child, _his little lad_.

  
The tears were there again filling in his eyes and making Robert want to give up and give in on all his emotions. He did. He was staring at the picture and wishing things had stayed that simple between them, wishing he made his dad keep on smiling instead of angry and confrontational and ashamed.

  
Robert let out another sob before suddenly Aaron was at the door way, hair fluffy and curly from the tossing in his sleep. He woke instantly as he heard the sobs from the living room and didn't feel Robert against him, Liv wasn't home and it had to be Robert, the thought scared him as he braced himself to enter the living room. It must have been _bad_ if Robert was... _crying_.

  
"Babe? Rob, what's wrong?" Aaron's voice was shaky, trembling slightly and Robert felt bad for making him worry so much.

  
Robert sniffed softly, still holding the photo in his hand, almost not wanting to _let go_.

  
"Nothing...nothing I'm fine, just being stupid."

  
Aaron walked towards Robert "Hey...you're not being stupid." His voice was soft and tender and suddenly Robert was looking at him and feeling better, _safer_.

  
"What's happened? What's..." Aaron's eyes fell onto the picture in Robert's hands and smiled, he remembered seeing in the pub all the time and feeling a little tug at his heart even when he hated Robert, he'd look at the picture and feel this love.

  
"Look at ya, all blonde hair eh...those dungarees though...not your finest hour." Aaron chuckled softly before smiling and looking at Robert. 

 

Robert nodded his head and tried to block out the tears "Blame me dad not me." He said quickly before sniffing. 

 

"Aww...you were cute, what happened?" Aaron said leaning forward and smiling before looking back down at the picture again.

  
Robert was hardly listening, just allowing himself to think about the picture, the _memory_ and what he had ruined. He couldn't hold it in again and suddenly Aaron was staring at him with worry in his eyes "Hey I was only joking..." Robert nodded his head through a sob and rubbed at his face.

Aaron gulped realising almost instantly what was wrong and feeling like an idiot for not spotting it sooner "You miss him?" He spoke gently because when it came to Jack Sugden he didn't know whether Robert loved him or hated him, most of the time he was sure his boyfriend felt both feelings for his dad.

  
Robert shrugged his shoulders "I miss this..." He said gently stroking a finger over the picture and letting a tear fall "Why couldn't I just keep him happy? I ruined everything." He sobbed.

  
Aaron leaned in closer, pulling at Robert tightly because he knew how it felt to think that, to think he _ruined_ everything.

 

"Rob you didn't -"

  
Robert shook his head and looked at Aaron "I was reckless and _stupid_ and pushed him too far." He said his voice high and filled with regret.

  
Aaron bit his lip and gently stroked at Robert's arms trying to calm him down.

  
Robert breathed in slowly and then out again as he thought about Andy "God...I messed with golden boy and got shown the door, didn't I?"

  
Aaron felt his own heart race louder because he hated how black and white it seemed, thinking about Robert being tossed aside made him want to scream and shout because it was unfair, because he had been there and he hated it.

  
"Yeah and now look at you, you and Andy are....okay now...a bit," Aaron said quickly because the subject of Andy was never a good one. "You can't change the past can you." He added as he felt Robert tense again.

  
Robert shuffled slightly on the sofa as he looked down at the photo and touched it again delicately with his hands, grazing over Jack's face and then whispering "All I wanted was for him to be proud of me, really proud of me like he was proud of Andy," it stung, all the years had gone by and he still couldn't get the look out of his mind, the one his dad gave Andy all the time, that immense pride he never got himself.

  
Aaron suddenly felt his heart almost collapse, Robert was never this open or honest and it was destroying him.

  
"He _was_ proud of you...in his own way...I'm sure of it Rob." Aaron wasn't sure, he didn't know Jack but he knew it was something that Victoria would have said to Robert, out of his depth he had to make Robert feel better if he could.

  
Robert _wished_ he believed Aaron, wished that he did but he didn't.

  
"Of what? Me ruining Andy and Katie?" Robert said bitterly because it was all that was on his mind, he couldn't escape it.  
Aaron paused for a second because he couldn't say anything that would help but then suddenly he was pulling Robert's face towards him "He would be proud of you now."

  
Robert scoffed at the thought "After everything I've done! He'd hate me even more..." His mind fell on her, on her lying there, dead because of him, all because of him "Katie," was all he could say.

  
Aaron bit his lip and suddenly the air was thick again, thick with this feeling of dread because one word had that effect on them. One word made Aaron shudder all over and fake a few seconds to properly gather himself. He wanted to cry himself at the thought but he couldn't, Robert needed him strong this time.

Aaron could hear Robert sobbing again and pulled his face more harshly towards him now "Oi...you listen here, you didn't mean to kill her okay. That was an accident and he would have _known,_ looking down from up there eh," Aaron whispered before looking up towards the ceiling and then searching for Robert's gaze.

  
Robert shook his head "If he was still alive...he would have taken Andy's side as usual, wouldn't have forgiven me for 'messing' with Andy..." He said before putting the photo on the coffee table in front and inhaling sharply.

  
"Things just don't change do they?" Robert said glumly, because after all these years just seeing a photo was able to bring back all these memories he had spent _years_ trying to forget, trying to block out entirely. It had failed, every attempt.

  
Aaron leaned in closer to Robert and let out a small sigh "You can't change -"

  
"Dosen't every kid just want their dad to be proud of him?" Robert cut in because he was suddenly wondering if he was overreacting, if he was being _sensitive_ and if his dad not being proud of him was really _that_ big of a deal.

  
Aaron's face fell slightly, his eyes fluttering and then turning towards the floor as he felt a _twist_ in his stomach.

  
"Fuck," Robert whispered harshly because he couldn't quite believe he had said that to _Aaron_. Aaron who's dad wasn't a dad, who's dad was so much worse than Jack could ever had imagined to be. "Aaron I didn't even think -"

  
Aaron shook his head slowly as he licked his lips "Don't be daft, you're right every kid wants that...even if they...do that to ya....you still want your dad to tell ya you're being good, that his proud..."

  
The air fell silent and suddenly Robert was holding an arm over Aaron and nuzzling his face into Aaron's neck whispering "I'm sorry," and kissing him lightly before pulling away and daring to look back at the picture.

  
"It just brought it all back you know...made me think," Robert let out thickly before sighing "He'd be ashamed of me now Aaron, for what I've done... _who I am."_ He trailed off silently because almost instantly he was thinking about what he meant and how it sounded.

  
Aaron bit his lip as his eyes widened "Do you mean me? _Us_?" He said shakily because the thought somehow seemed to break his heart.

  
Robert gulped hard because he honestly didn't know and that's what hurt. He would never know what his dad thought of him and Aaron, but he almost was certain that he wouldn't have approved of him breaking Chrissie's heart the way he did.

  
"I don't know Aaron...maybe... _maybe_ because I had a life that I chucked away, a life he might have _approved_ of and I _messed_ it up and hurt people along the way." The thought made him fill up with guilt, sometimes he could never escape the cries, the tears he would remember from his ex wife, the woman he once _loved_.

  
Aaron didn't know how to feel, knowing there _he_ was the reason made him feel racked with guilt.

  
"I was the slip up, I get it." Aaron spoke softly, trying his best not to sound at all angered by the words or how honest they were, or even how they made him feel.

  
Robert turned towards Aaron and gently stroked his face " _Kissing_ you, that was a slip up, it wasn't meant to...to make me feel the way it did...but falling in love with you, _being_ with you, this now, _us_ , wasn't a mistake Aaron...how could it be eh?" He gently kissed Aaron's cheek and smiled to himself because Aaron seemed to have that glimmer in his eyes back again.

  
Robert's eyes met his dad's face again, smiling, so happy. "But...I'll never know Aaron, never know if he was _proud_ that I...I admitted I wanted ya...that I was in love with a _man,_ " he said the words slowly, taking them in and wanting to chuck them away because it all felt wrong. "I'll never have that _closure._ "

  
Aaron nodded his head and stroked Robert's arm again "He would be proud that his son is happy okay? Dosen't matter with who..." Aaron leaned in even closer so that his lips were brushing Robert's and whispered "Even if it's a Dingle." Robert laughed softly and kissed Aaron gently on the lips, savouring the small moment before whispering "Thank you."

  
The smile now forming on Robert's face made Aaron want to make it even bigger, he warned to fill Robert with all this love that he was sure Robert denied himself half the time. Aaron pulled Robert towards him so that they were both almost lying horizontally on the sofa and clutched the older man's hand tightly.

  
"He'd be proud that you stood by me through everything that happened with me this year..." Aaron mumbled into Robert and suddenly Robert's heart was racing again, thinking about what they had been through made his stomach almost _flip_.

  
_He raped me._

  
The moment Robert was _sure_ his entire world had come crashing down around him.

  
"With...with... _him._ " Aaron added, sill now he couldn't bring himself to even say his name. "You were there...standing by me when no one else seemed to be...he would be so _proud_ Rob."

  
Robert felt a tingle race through him, hope he thought that maybe his dad would have been _proud_ of him for standing by Aaron, for being there for him when he needed him to be, after everything he had done.

  
Aaron could almost feel it working, feel Robert's hope radiating out of him and suddenly he was looking up at his boyfriend and seeing the way his eyes were lighting up and the reads were drying away "He'd be proud that you admitted to what you felt and tried to make things better, tried to be happy."

Robert breathed in slowly almost overwhelmed by it all and suddenly Aaron moved his hand across Robert's chest "Proud that you have got past how you were...that you're trying to make up for it....moving on with your life...being a great boyfriend." Aaron couldn't resist kissing Robert _harshly_ on the lips, forcing Robert to react quickly and gently pulling hands through Aaron's hair the way he _always_ did. Robert pulled away meeting Aaron's eyes and smiling because it made sense, it seemed almost... _real_ what Aaron was saying and he was... _believing_ it.

  
Aaron rubbed a hand down Robert's chest and kissed him lightly again before adding "And...a great father figure to Liv," and making Robert catch his breath because he had been _trying_ with her.

  
Aaron suddenly bit his lip and chuckled before craning his neck slightly "Hmm...well more of an annoyingly tall big brother maybe...the way you two squabble."

  
Robert playfully gasped and poked Aaron's ribs before crashing their lips together and felling overwhelmed with love, Aaron always knew what to say, always had the best answers that made things just make... _sense_.

  
Aaron looked into Robert's eyes and smiled that smile that made Robert's heart almost skip a beat every time.

  
Robert looked towards the photo and then back at Aaron, stroking his face and looking into his beautiful blue eyes "He'd be proud I was with someone like you, _proud_ I got you back in my life," he was almost crying again and then suddenly Aaron was looking away because he was sure to start himself if Robert carried on.

  
Aaron cleared his throat before wiping at his face "Alright soft lad enough crying for one night thank you very much."

  
Robert rolled his head back "Well me balling my eyes out instead does make it change dosent it?"

  
Aaron rolled his eyes before smiling "Suppose so..." He mumbled before kissing Robert softly and adding more severely, "You're alright though yeah?"

  
Robert nodded his head as he picked up the photo and nodded "Maybe he didn't agree with me half the time, didn't understand me as much as I would have liked...but you're right...he would have been proud of me for...for having this life...being happy with someone and wanting to make it work, _really_ settling down this time and wanting to spend my life with someone," he suddenly rose to his feet as Aaron did the same, letting out a small sigh because Robert _fucking_ Sugden had the power to make him cry all the time "What did I say...soft lad!" He said playfully punching Robert's arm and then gently taking the photo from Robert's hands, walking towards the bare shelf above the computer and placing it on the top.

  
Robert suddenly stood behind Aaron, wrapping his arms around Aaron's waist.

  
"Pride of place I reckon eh." Aaron whispered before turning round to Robert and frowning because Robert was simply staring at him.

  
"What?" Aaron whispered gently against Robert.

  
"I love you so much, after _everything_...I never stopped Aaron," Robert said gently pulling Aaron even closer to him.

  
Aaron nodded his head "I know...same here..." He always wanted to say more, always couldn't though.

  
"I'll try not to block anything up like I did again...just didn't want you seeing me -"

  
"What cry? Because none of us _ever_ cry," Aaron interjected before darting his eyes across the room playfully.

  
Robert blushed softly "Well never me..."

  
"Well like you said...it made a change didn't it?" Aaron chuckled before unhooking himself from Robert's grip and walking back towards their bedroom.

 

Robert looked towards the photo one last time, Jack smiling and happy and utterly content with his life as he held his son up high. Robert looked back towards Aaron, gently tugging at his arm and pulling him into a tight hug, almost crushing them both but now caring because he just needed Aaron, like _always_.

 

All at once he suddenly felt at peace, as if talking to Aaron had made him have that _closure_ he had always craved, made those unanswered questions seem forgotten because Aaron had answered them all, Aaron had solved everything and made things seem...clearer in his mind.

 

He _had_ made his dad proud, he _would_ make his dad proud. Aaron kissed the back of Robert's neck gently, caressing his skin and making him feel truly _loved_ , like _always_.

 

  
_I'll keep making you proud dad..._

 

Robert whispered to himself as he nuzzled further into Aaron, his whole _fucking_ world, _he_ was proud of himself and somehow that seemed to matter more than anything now.


End file.
